As Elementary School Kids, we had no filter. It seemed normal for us to comment on one-another's body size. This was exacerbated in the change rooms, where the worst part of the body shaming happened.

I remember the bigger girls would go into the stalls to change, while the rest of us all changed out in the open area. I distinctly remember one day in the change rooms where I told a girl, “whatever, at least I’m skinnier than you”, as I proceeded to take off my shirt while sucking in my stomach.

It seemed that each of us was stepping on the other to hide from the hatred we were developing for ourselves.

Grade 7 summer going into grade 8 is when I started my first diet. I was only 13 years old at the time.

At the time I was eating whatever I wanted. I heard from others that my best friend at the time was saying how “gross” it was that my mom would bring me fast food for lunch once a week.

This made me believe that what I was eating was “bad” and that I shouldn’t be eating it.

That combined with the influence of another weight-obsessed friend led to that first diet. The thought that thinner was “better” seemed to being reinforced all around me.

I began heavily restricting my portion sizes (to as little as a single baked potato for a meal), and I started going out for runs.

Of course doing that for a couple of months, I lost weight. But it wasn't sustainable or healthy.

My parents never noticed though, I was so good at hiding how little food I was eating and they thought that I just “grew out of it”. 

In high school the diet-culture battle continued.

I really wanted to get into modelling, and I would watch America's Next Top Model in hopes that I would one day be on the show.

Around the 11th grade, my friends told me about this casting call that was happening and I jumped at the chance.

I go in, do my walk, tell them a bit about myself, and the casting agent tells me I need to lose 20 pounds to even be considered.

I felt defeated and that my dream would never become my reality. And all because of the body I was born in.

The thought that I needed to change my body became even more prevalent in university.

It was in my third year that I decided to take fitness more seriously. My mother had suffered some serious set-backs due to her health and I wanted to ensure that I would never experience the same things she was going through.

I didn’t realize at the time that switching gears and aiming for a muscular physique would lead me down the path to obsession.

I would constantly watch “what I eat in a day” videos and people’s workout routines all the time. I downloaded a calorie counter app and was super strict about what I ate and how much I exercised.

I started wearing waist trainers and sweat belts all aimed at getting that perfect “hourglass” shape… a shape mostly created by Hollywood's plastic surgeons.

This became my ideal look and I lost sight of the fact that a “natural” body was never made to look like that.

I had shifted from the obsession to be thin with one to be shaped in a particular way, and I was lying to myself that it was stemming from a concern for my health.

Looking in the mirror started to become a huge obstacle for me, I would focus on every inch with a magnifying glass and list all the changes I wanted to make.

No progress was enough to satisfy me and my daily life was starting to be affected.